I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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