I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
