trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize