sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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