booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
