sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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