I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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