I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
