My room smells like vodka and shame
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
