You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
