Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
