I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
