I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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