she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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