ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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