He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
