I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
