Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
