I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
