he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
