drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
