I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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