then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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