So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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