pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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