I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
