Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's always time for handjobs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
