How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
