is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
