She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize