and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
