I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
