Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
