My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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