Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
