shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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