it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
