Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
