Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
