yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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