As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
