"it" just moved
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
