Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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