Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
