Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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