Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
