oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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