I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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