the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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