I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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