just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize