Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
