I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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