how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
