this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The uberlube is also flammable
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
