I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
