I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize