If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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