Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
