This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
