so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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