no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
