6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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