Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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