Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
