dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
