btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
