I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
